We're a month into this crazy adventure I undertook. It feels like I've been here forever, and at the same time it feels like I just got here. I'm swimming around in paradoxes lately. Sometimes I feel like I haven't learned or done anything, and sometimes I feel like I've learned and achieved quite a bit. I see evidence in myself that I've changed, but at times I feel like nothing has changed at all.
I have a few benchmarks for my adventure here: my adaptation to life in the Dominican Republic (aka, how I handle culture shock), my Spanish skills, and my personal and professional growth.
Let's break each one down.
I have to admit that culture shock is tough. It's having its way with me still, tossing me down the stairs and then spitting on my inert body. I love the people, the environment, and the way of life here. Fitting in is working. But I'm still an American mind stuck in a body that took me far away from my previous reality and those two sides of me don't always get along.
Invariably culture shock and my Spanish skills go hand-in-hand. I hit the wall badly this past week with my Spanish. I'm still having trouble with understanding people and it built up before I cracked under the pressure and frustration. I was depressed and feeling useless all week because I feel my Spanish sucks.
Today I went out with my roommate to a pool party. I felt like absolute ass for the first few hours because of my crappy week. But I tried to speak Spanish. I started to think in Spanish--not translate what I wanted to say from English, but think of words and logic in Spanish. And I slowly understood what the people around me were talking about.
I was able to get the gist of what the people at the party asked me, things about my background, my studies, and how I like the D.R. I was able to articulate what I do, who I am, and what I like well. I didn't understand everything and I didn't speak perfect Spanish, but I spoke well enough to be understood and I understood enough to communicate in the first place.
This is a small yet huge step. I know I won't magically solve my communication problems after one good day with the language. Now I understand why I communicated well in that environment. I was comfortable. I knew I was allowed to make mistakes and I wasn't alone. Everyone there was willing and able to help me.
When I'm at school or at my internship meetings or in some other scenario where I'm on the spot, I freeze up. I can't remember how to speak or which words to say. I feel like an outsider and it shuts me down. Which is a damn shame because I know I can speak Spanish and I can do it well for what I know and what I've studied.
As for personal and professional growth, I'd say the personal growth lies in my ability to recognize the best environment for my Spanish practice and my own awareness of my skills. It's also important to note that while I flail around in despair when culture shock is ruining my life, I'm committed to getting through it.
My professional growth has taken a few turns since I came here. My schoolwork is going well and my internship is great. I guess I'm used to being busier than what the threshold of human endurance allows with my three-ring balancing act in the States, but I find myself with nothing to do on most days. I bang out my schoolwork and articles quickly and sit around watching garbage on television or reading gossip blogs all day. Oh No They Didn't is my BFF these days. Their GIF parties complete me.
I mentioned my sportswriting jobs before. You know that SF Dugout ceased operations this summer. Baseballin' on a Budget, the A's blog I write for, just called it quits. I'm down to one regular job, Bay City Ball. I said I would take a hiatus on my writing jobs while I was here, but the dust has settled and I have all this free time being bored and letting my brain rot. Why not fill it with something constructive?
While we work out the details on my return to BCB, I entertain thoughts of what my writing life will be with another project down the tubes. Do I wander around the internet with a hand-written sign that says, "will blog for food"? Do I start a refugee camp for internet journalists? Do I start cold calling (cold emailing?) sports news outlets on the web and selling myself as the missing link for their coverage, as one of the rare people out there who knows and loves minor league baseball?
Maybe the lessons I learn and gifts I receive on this adventure won't be the ones I expected. Perspective, fortitude, and freedom are not things I expected to find here. But those things found me.
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